*not gonna lie, I just spent about 30 minutes trying to find an appropriate pic for this post… I decided to start the post and we’ll figure that part out later..*
I was going to write about this last week, but decided to let the other blogs have at it. I’d attack it the week after, when everyone is looking for the next thing to talk about (bet you SOMEONE is gonna blog about that Rihanna and C. Brown song.. let’s put money on it)
$5? *holds out pinkie*…. bet.
OH, and before we start….. ↓↓↓
are mine and mine alone..
I was at my gay husband’s house when I heard that Whitney Houston had passed. He was moved to put on her greatest hits and dance the rest of the night. I told him I was in shock and would probably react when I got home. I didn’t want to have to explain myself.
I felt “nothing.”
Yes, I grew up with Whitney. She sings some good songs. I don’t deny her talent. Yes, I kinda knew what was going on with her but I didn’t watch that Diane Sawyer interview, didn’t see Bodyguard, and didn’t know that she was working on a movie. Headline making news was usually mentioned to me in an incredulous tone. Something like, “can you beLIEVE Whitney is dating Ray-J?” To which I’d usually reply with some variation of 
The only “I will always love you” song that I like is sung by Troop. I HATE the one that she sings. H.A.T.E.
(you can throw tomatoes later)
Whitney’s funeral was this past Saturday. Since I hadn’t felt anything about her passing, I had no interest in knowing when the funeral was.
I came on Twitter that afternoon and my timeline was exploding with their feelings about what was happening. That’s what Twitter is for so I wasn’t annoyed. However, people going on with their crying had me confused. The out pour was of such a magnitude that I started to examine myself. I was still feeling nothing and by this time I realized it wasn’t because I was in shock. I was almost nonchalant.
For someone that has been to too many funerals, I have no problem expressing grief. I sat back and realized that I kinda don’t feel anything whenever a celebrity passes. I don’t know them. Yeah, what they did might have brought some good memories (via their music, movies, etc) but just because I glanced their story on a magazine cover every now and then didn’t make us close. I don’t necessarily feel invested in their lives in any way.
Whitney passing was like Michael in my book. Not that I’m saying she was like Michael in scale of career or talent, but my reaction was the same. “Oh wow, that’s crazy.” “Such a shame” and other variations of the Jamaican’s saying “can you imagine!?” If anything got me it was that they passed alone. I don’t know know why I feel that everyone deserves to pass with loved ones close by but I do. I don’t feel anyone should leave this earth feeling alone. (You guys know what I mean)
For someone that has had two ex boyfriends die in car accidents, I can’t relate on the same level when someone I don’t know loses their life. We hear that she was talented. Some might say “what a waste.” My thought is, with few exceptions, I think any life that’s cut short early is a waste. If I don’t cry for the deaths I watch on the news (I don’t watch the news for this very reason) then why would I mourn a celebrity any differently?
I saw a tweet that said a celebrities death makes us question our mortality. I guess that could be a reason. I can’t speak for everyone, but every now and then I do feel invincible. I usually come back to reality very quickly. The logic in my mind says “did you never expect them to die?” I guess it’s the suddenness of it all. I’m really clutching at straws because I keep thinking there’s a logical reason that people are bawling over someone most of them have never met.
That last sentence made me cringe at how heartless it sounded but I can’t think of another way to say it (at 2:30 in the morning)
I don’t know. I WILL say that when I see people’s grief, I’m sometimes moved to tears. Maybe that would’ve happened if I’d watched a good portion of the funeral, but I didn’t. Other people crying makes me cry. “Sympathy tears” if you will. But, I’m wondering what part of the Matrix am I in if I seem to be the only one that says “wow, that’s a shame” and keeps it moving? I won’t discount others’ grief because we all feel things differently. Because I had a different reaction doesn’t make others’ wrong. That’s the beauty of it. But I’m wondering what about it moved people to tears. I’ll say some variation of “I can’t believe she’s gone” when I hear a song of hers, but other than that…….
I’ve got nothing…
Peace and Love, Nick
Did the Whitney Houston news bring you to tears? Why or why not? I’m really asking from a place of “wanting to know.” Cuz I’m over here *Kanye shrugging* My mother didn’t feel much of anything either, but she’s not a good gauge cuz she’s a robot.
in our culture, celebrities are larger than life figures. the media follows them throughout their career, so as we watch along, its *like* we know them because they are on display. so when they pass – esp suddenly – its shocking for fans and followers because that celeb is familiar to them, some one theyve seen grow and flourish as a professional. we are consumers of celebrities craft but also their lives, so when they die and are no longer available to us, the experience of their death is very real to us, despite not having ever met them.
in any instance, i think its hard to mourn the death of some one you dont have any prior history with. sure, its tragic and sad to see deaths of innocent on tv, or hear about the loss of soldiers lives overseas protecting this country. but we often times have no connection to those ppl before their death, so while we may feel sad, its not as real as a celebrity – some one we feel connected to.
all that to say, i can very well understand why ppl are mourning Whitney’s death. but i also dont think one is heartless because they may not have any emotional investment in celebrity deaths. it just is what it is.
When Whitney died I didn’t shed tears. ..but if I had watched the funeral I probably would have.
I feel like I’M the weirdo because I cry at the drop of a hat over things that effect other people.. Even fake people. I cry over tv, movies and songs.
That’s the effect Whitney had over me. Her songs reached me at a personal level and has done ever since she hit the scene in the 80′s. I would sing along to her songs, pretend I was her, relate to the words and “get soo emotional, baby!”
Seriously, for example, I didn’t watch the funeral because I already had a full day planned. However I had watched the NAACP tribute by Yolanda Adams “I Love the Lord”. Now Yolanda SANG, that and had folks in church. But I downloaded Whitney’s soundtrack album version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcjP4LgW0Rw&feature=youtube_gdata_player)
This I played over and over all day. I had my own personal church session. This song spoke to my heart and into my spiritual life. This was part of the legacy that Whitney left in my and probably many people’s lives.
That is what music does for people. It may not be Whitney but maybe another artist.
I heart you for that Troop link. That was my Jam! That one spoke to me as well.. But in a different way..
[I felt “nothing.”]
Me either…
I never feel anything when celebs pass away. When I found out about Whitney my reaction was the same as when I found out about Michael Jacksons (Maybe slighty.), Amy Winehouse, and others. I respect them in their passing but as far as feeling anything other than “Wtf” I didn’t.
To be more specific I wasn’t the biggest fan of her work but you had to recognize the voice… you just had too. (Somewhere between Aretha and Mahalia there’s Whiteny.) I didn’t want to be dishonest and say I had her complete catalog when I didn’t.
-Did the Whitney Houston news bring you to tears?
It didn’t. I seldom cry so this wasn’t going to do it.
-Why or why not?
I’m not a complete robot but I’m more of a cyborg/ enlightened caveman. I have tons of empathy but I’m detached from most famous people. I don’t knock those who aren’t detached though. I think society as a whole view celebs as larger projections of ourselves. I’m a massive Prince stan but I doubt I’ll feel anything if he were to pass.
-I’m really asking from a place of “wanting to know.”
We talked about it on Twitter briefly on Saturday when you asked if I watched the funeral. It doesn’t make you or I odd at all but we each have our things. There are lots of people who I know that if they passed away that I wouldn’t be in a good place for some time.
So maybe I’m not a great gauge either. Good post Nick!
I think it was my detachment that made me feel like something was wrong.. I’ve lived very sheltered so I don’t usually have normal reactions to things.. It gets difficult sometimes to separate what’s a “normal” or “common” reaction..
Lol.. we’re both not great gauges..
Did the Whitney Houston news bring you to tears? Why or why not? I’m really asking from a place of “wanting to know.”
I cried about 20 minutes after my mom texted me to tell me she passed away. Now, I think I have a better gauge as to why the news of her death brought me to tears moreso than any other celebrity ever.
Some of the earliest memories I personally have are of music. There is certain music that reminds me of when life was simple – when my parents were still married, when my biggest decision was what juice box to drink, and when the most stressful thing I did all day was run back and forth between the slide and the swings. That being said, Whitney Houston was truly the soundtrack of my life. From the time I was born pretty much up until she died, she was putting out music. Some of the first music I remember listening to was her. From “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” to “Greatest Love of All,” I grew up with her stuff. I vividly remember being GLUED to the TV as a 5 year old, watching The Bodyguard. Should I have been watching it? Probably not. But Whitney was in it, so…my parents let it slide. I remember watching The Preacher’s Wife, and wanting to go to that church, perform in that Christmas play, and then get adopted by Whitney and Courtney B. Vance, and have Denzel be my ghost friend.
I grew up singing her songs in the mirror with my hairbrush or remote control… I went into my adolescence singing “It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay,” “Same Script, Different Cast,” and “Heartbreak Hotel.” She’s one of the first artists I remember my father playing nonstop, so in some way, she reminded me of him. That’s why I cried when I found out she was gone. There was a small part of the innocence of childhood that I had left in me that left when she did…music permeates my life in such a way that when the creator of said music goes, I can’t control my reaction.
I’ve legitimately been sad about it since last Saturday, and for some reason, it’s not as easy to shake as the news of some other celebrities that have passed. But…she or her legacy will never be forgotten.
you know.. I get you having specific memories tied to a song.. Or several songs.. I can totally understand your side of it.. I often mourn my childhood.. I’m in my head a lot trying to relive it so your explanation makes a lot of sense..
Soooo, ummm, WHERE.HAS.THIS.POST.BEEN.FOR.THE.LAST.WEEK????
I was at a book club meeting, and when we heard she died, people were like, we shouldn’t talk about the book, we should discuss Whitney. My reaction, “I definitely think we should talk about the book, still”. Someone cried too! I think when celebrities die, other celebrities are reminded of their mortality. Me? I know the Lord can snatch me up and “to dust I return” at any.given.minute. I felt NADA! Of course, I was like, awww man, how INSANE. And it is. But the reality is, it’s always “INSANE” when someone dies because we just can’t understand why they did, and it’s not meant for us to. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel a tug of emotion when Whitney Houston died, and I love many of her songs, but I started to get a little flustered when they dedicated OVER 24hrs on my Sirius to all her songs and folks talking. I would’ve preferred just the songs. I’m not a cold person at all, I honestly think I’m extremely caring and emotional. I just couldn’t pull myself to be sad, even if I would’ve tried. I beleive I tweeted about Whitney Houston when I first heard, it said, “F**ksh*t, Whitney, F**ksh*t”. That’s all I had. And for the reason of my timeline being FLOODED with Whitney news, I stayed off of twitter for a spell, and I was in service when the funeral was going on, if I wasn’t, I’m sure I wouldn’t have watched anyway. I hope her family gets through this. However, I’m happy (not about her dying) and I can’t say I’ve thought about her death too much since the weekend.
Lol.. I was letting the other blogs have their reactions to her death.. I’m always a little tardy to the party anyway..
I was not on Twitter that much either.. I read it so I could know what was going on, but to actually watch it?? Nah.. I didn’t need it..
To not discuss the book at the book club meeting is a bit excessive.. I would’ve had the same reaction you did.. I have another theory as to why I reacted the way I did, but it would’ve opened up another can of worms and I wasn’t sure I wanted to explain the depth of my heartlessness..
I definitely cried over Whitney’s death. It wasn’t as immediate as Michael’s, though… the actual tears didn’t come til I saw the live funeral broadcast.
But yeah, the thing with celebrities is though we don’t know them personally, their presence is with us. When they create something SO iconic, it’s like they ARE sharing themselves with us, thus we feel like we grew up with them.
Also, the issues they have? Reminds us of people in OUR lives that have the same issues. Whether they died from them, struggling with them, or have triumphed over them, seeing it truly hits home and makes you think about the people in your life.
In terms of how folks grieve or don’t… I have no problem with. The problem I have is when folks try to dictate to others how to grieve or tell them they shouldn’t. Everyone is different. There’s nothing wrong with the way you felt Nick. Because, feelings can’t be wrong. It’s impossible. We just feel. No rationale or thinking involved.
“We just feel. No rationale or thinking involved.”
You know what.. your last line is exactly what it was.. I think since I’m always looking for the rationale, I sometimes end up not feeling because it’s an emotional reaction..
Makes perfect sense..
I pretty much had the same reaction as you did. It was sad and I was surprised, but at the same time I wasn’t rushing to Blockbuster to rent “The Bodyguard” either.
Also, remind me never to be an ex-boyfriend of yours. Thanks in advance.
great post!
i think some cried because they lost a piece of their childhood. others cried because it reminded them of a family member they lost.
i didnt cry when MJ died, but broke down when Paris spoke. why? she was a little girl that lost her daddy and that was heartbreaking to me (and maybe a little bit of me in there).
i didnt cry at Whitney’s passing, but my heart broke for her daughter, who now has to grow up without a mother. and as someone who is pretty damn close to mine, couldnt and do not want to imagine that life.
i think sometimes in the black community, your grief isnt real unless its loud and in living colour. which is not true at all. and we need to stop telling people that crying, or a lack thereof is the real and only way to get through, past or over something