I lost my virginity at 15. It seems like I was in a rush to know what everyone was talking about. I met my first love at 14 and offered it up on the most silver of platters. For whatever reason, he wouldn’t take it. So when I met a FAHN Special Ed look a-like with green eyes, I pretty much was sure we’d solidify this deal.
(Special Ed was a big deal when I was younger, thankyouverymuch)
We met at a bus stop. I still remember the intersection and to this day can’t recall why I was even there. But I DO remember when he sat down beside me. I remember his name, and I can pick him out of a lineup. His fineness transcended all common sense.
It was a weekend my mom was out of town. She didn’t trust me to be home alone with my brother (he was 7) so she arranged for us to stay at this woman’s house. I had ballet/tap that Saturday, told her I was going and called ______ up. I walked over to my house and we got to it.
I remember the phone calls that came for the next 3 weeks. Making sure the condom didn’t break and I wasn’t pregnant. I don’t remember much after that. I know that my sophomore year in high school just became a bit more interesting.
I might’ve hinted to the fact that I was “that chick” in high school. Not saying everything in sight could sniff at me, but if you were my boyfriend, it was pretty much guaranteed. Looking back on it now, I see the things I was hoping for through sex. That search for love can be oh so real.
When I left high school, I went on a 2-3 year sabbatical. However, lack of prospects will have everyone on a sabbatical so I don’t suppose I can claim any great accomplishment there.
I met my ex fiance’ when I was 22 and still “finding myself.” Being the woman I thought I was, he got a lot of sex from me. Personally, I thought that keeping him happy at home would keep his horse in one barn, but I was wrong.
*Charlie Murphy voice* “WRONG!”
I’ve been seriously involved with two men since my fiance and I broke up in ’05 (maybe ’06, I forget). A roll in the sheets seemed to be the natural progression of things, even though I can look back and say that I didn’t even love one out of the two of them. My mistake was giving them the cherry box whether or not they wanted to claim me. And as fortune (and the Devil) would have it, neither one did.
I’ve been single for a while now. Even when someone had my heart, (and my body) I was STILL technically “single.” If you can imagine it, coming out of that situation was like a literal detaching every fiber of my being. However, after looking through some things and doing some self evaluation, I made a resolution.
The Cherry Box is off the menu.
- Just me and my doctor.. and I give him crap.
That’s right. I’m done with it. I’m not planning on giving it to anyone soon and I’m not giving it away without someone working for it. I realize that most of the time, it’s human nature not to appreciate that which was easy to attain. Not exactly saying I’m trying to change my karma by lockin her up. I’m just sayin, even TuPac said “I don’t want it if it’s that easy.”
and that was TUPAC!!
I don’t want to get emotionally attached because some rumpled sheets and a wet spot had me feeling connected. Lookin for my cheese omelette when someone secretly wishes I’d leave already. (And it’s 8:30 in the morning) I’m off that.
I could launch into the reasons why, but let’s just say, there’s a lot of stuff out there that I don’t want to get caught up in. I’m not just talking about pregnancy or the itches that you can’t scratch. I’m just tired. Not only that, but I’ve been sexin dudes since I was 15 and I’m no closer to being with someone (or someone wanting to be with me) so it’s time for some drastic measures.
Doing the same thing repeatedly has yielded results very close to some form of insanity. I’m not doing any magical “90 day probation plan” or “Jeopardy challenges for the draws” type of things. And if the next dude I meet doesn’t like it, then too bad, so sad.
I know several people will say cute things like “don’t punish one for the mistakes of the others.” I’m not. I’ve learned lessons and this is a decision based on those lessons. A decrease in supply increases the value. I’ve placed a price on my cherry box that not everyone I meet will want to pay, and I’m alright with that. It’ll weed out the riff raff. While “I ain’t got that kinda time,” I’m willing to put some time (and effort) into an outcome that will yield the results I want.
Trust me, when we’re not having any Waiting to Exhale moments or any “did your period come?” phone calls, he’ll thank me.
I know in this day and age, what I’m doing is considered crazy. I’m alright with that. I’ve been called crazy before. I’m known as crazy in my own home; that title is nothing new to me. We live in a society where we want everything right now, that includes sex. You know that feeling of invincibility that comes with youth? I’m in my 30′s, I’m off that. I hear the statistics and know that condoms or not, monogamy or not, while the risk/chances might be lessened with protection; I can’t sit here and admit that I always used it within the confines of a relationship.
I haven’t met anyone that has made me want to change my mind. And the dudes I know with women/girlfriends that keep sniffing around me shows me that these Sucka M.C.’s can’t be trusted either. It’s almost been a year, ain’t nothin new under the sun.
I’m good.
Have you ever done something drastic in the quest for what you wanted? For the sake of a relationship? For the sake of the relationship you hope you’ll find? You can call me crazy, I don’t accept it, but you’re entitled to an opinion. Just a heads up: This ain’t the time for you to try and get me to change my mind tho.
Peace and massive amounts of love, Nick
The most drastic thing I’ve done is to not had sex. (I really like sex. Like more than I like beer and pork skins…depending on the day they rotate position on Wu Young’s awesome poll.) I waited a few years respecting the virginity of the person I was dating. She asked why I have tried to run even the tip game on her and I told her there was no pressure on my part because I was that in to her. I wanted her. All of her so as man who was a youngish 20 something that was a big deal.
Hope that make sense.
I meant hope that “makes” sense.
Yeah that makes sense!
“Beer and pork” tho?! You’re such a man!
You know what’s crazy.. When he was with his ex, the last dude I was with stopped having sex because of religious reasons.. He respected it, and yet, when he got around me, he couldn’t leave me alone. It’s not for lack of trying, but still. If I think about it, I think I’m hurt I wasn’t worth the effort. I know that wasn’t all I offered, but the mind plays tricks on you when there’s no other voice saying otherwise..
“Beer and pork” tho?! You’re such a man!”
Ain’t I though!?!?
Now if I were with someone and sex was a part of our relationship and it was shut off all of a sudden I wouldn’t be happy. I understand the reasons but I wouldn’t like it. In my mind that would a massive paradign shift in our relationship. That could be me being a man again. Seriously that would make watching old girl prance around with shorts and a wife beater on a little difficult.
U know what Wu, I did that too. For 2 years. Did I regret it/see that I lost out? No. She was that amazing. It depends on what you’re bringing to the table instead of the very alluring uglies.
Now with that said, would I do it again, now that I’m older? I don’t think so. Maybe I’ve dematured lolol.
*nods as if I were listening to a DJ Premier beat*
I don’t know if I’ve dematured but I am embracing my cavemanness. I’m an enlightened caveman though.
Just know that you aren’t alone in this decision. I’ve sorry of made a similar one and even though I complain about my “drought”, I doubt really regret it. I miss sex A LOT, but three next time I give it up, I will make damn sure I won’t question it in thr morning.
I’ve had too many times where I woke up and went home trying to scrub the memory off of me.
Lemme show you how my God works.. When I went out of town, I’d left a “prospect” back at home. We text and he sent pics and got me ALL RILED UP for my return home. I planned what I was gonna wear when I went by his house. I KNEW we were gonna shake his house from its foundation..
I got back and heard nothing. *crickets*
Finally pinned down the explanation. The situation that was “complicated” became simple. He has plans for us and just needed to cut one factor out. Now, he’s with someone else and I haven’t seen him since I got back on Christmas Day..
He was, by far, the man I had the most chemistry with and we teased each other for years because we just KNEW we were gonna make our heads blow off. And God removed him.
I laugh because I already knew I wasn’t gonna be celibate with this dude around. God knew it and gave me no choice.
Me and God haven’t been talking lately as a result..
you know how I know the Devil is real? Because I’ve never been more horny in my life..
Your candor is quite different, and refreshing. As a man, I respect the decision that you made. Hell, making the same kind of decision got my wife married (go fig). Anyway, I had a choice to either deal with the lack of cheeks, or find an easier source of the poon. I did both, not the wisest admittedly, but I did develop a greater respect for my wife for her stance. The man who is willing to accept that will come to appreciate you more as well.
Thank you for stopping by!! (I low-key get exciting when someone new comes by)
*tosses tank top confetti!*
I think that respect is what I’m looking for. I find that sometimes women don’t demand more because we aren’t sure that we’re worth the price.. For so long I thought this was the only way to get someone to stay with me. I’ve given 100% when people got by with 50.. I refuse to do that anymore..
I’ve gotten stingy with everything lately. Time, conversation, energy.
I look forward to coming out on the other side tho.. I’ll confess that much..
Come back now, ya hear.. We serve iced tea lemonade on Thursdays.. LOL!
I’ll definitely be back. To your point, that respect is real. Everybody wanted to know what made my wife different that some seemingly better choices. Well, I had to wife her, period. As @Brazenly Virile said down thread, the fear of God was real, and I knew I could get sex from a few different women. The one who I decided I would let make me earn it (yes its a choice some men have to make), that’s who I found myself respecting more.
This sounded like when I was younger. Right before my mother beat me she would say something like, “you’ll thank me for this one day.” This story gives me hope. I’m sure you didn’t want to be banned from the cherry box, but it’s one of those things that you appreciated “one day.” And I’m pretty sure she’s happy with the outcome..
This is a great story.. and it’s TRUE!! Which makes it even better..
my quest to sexual exploration took a different route. i lost my virginity when i was 21. i think my parents instilled the fear of God into me about what would happen if i had sex. but really they stressed the importance of chasing books instead of girls and i took that to heart.
either way my first was my first love. my first everything. the fact that she was older and a lot more experienced i looked at sex from a different vantage than a lot of other people with their first partner. things that should have been taboo i considered normal and i grew up pretty quick as far as sex was concerned.
after my first heart break at the age of 26 i did what most guys typically do when they experience heart break. they turn into whores and they in turn break hearts.
i’m also 30+ (barely) and i can say at this point in my life i’m not giving up sex. i love sex but i also love the connection that it brings. i know biblically that its supposed to be something shared between a husband and wife but i’m human and the flesh is weak. i struggle from time to time with it being wrong or right. i will say that i’m way past the point of having sex with a woman just for the sake of bussing a nut. i’m more so interested in a woman wholly and the sex is an added bonus. an awesome bonus but a bonus still.
Wow, I can see your skeleton #transparency. Thank you for sharing. I too am celibate. For some of the same reasons, but ultimately, I got tired of playing with the Lord. So, I’m trying to behave.
I’m always doing something drastic for a certain result. Unfortunately, I can’t say if they worked or not. I do it too often. Now, I’m just trying to take things one day at a time, make adult decisions, analyze potential outcomes before I do things. This seems to work better.
Thanks for sharing these intimate deets.
Thanks.. I try to live my life transparently.. Whether to share a struggle or to learn from someone else going through the same struggle.
My relationship with God is the other reason I’m doing it.. I am getting my Christian blog up and didn’t want to toss my religion in people’s faces on this one. I mean, the same way cutting my hair seemed to be a logical step, so is my celibacy..
I mean, if I look at it, HOW can I ask God to send my right person if I had someone else in me last night? It doesn’t make sense. That connection is serious and who would want to be with me while I’m still connected to someone else? It’s just my personal decision. Not only that, but I’m tired of playing games with God. I knew that if I got this under control He could do some great things in me. I want to be a ready vessel..
This thang is difficult tho! I’m in my 30′s and I think my peak is coming on skrong!! I knew I was gonna get tested but DAMN!
ya know Nick, i think just about most women come to this conclusion – putting the cherry box on lock down until the proper ransom is paid IN FULL – at some point in their lives. esp when we seem to keep meeting and making that same bad decision over and over. my sexual history and partner list is quite short but i still felt like i used my sacred space unwisely and it cost me dearly.
but i can honestly say, its an awesome feeling to find some one who you genuinely care for, and genuinely cares about you, and you want to give him the world, with a cherry box on top
best wishes to you sis, i know its NOT easy – ive been there, done that **hugs**
Thanks Gem!!
I’ve played russian roulette in high school and I’m amazed it hasn’t caught up with me. I gotta be smart..
I can’t wait for the one that’s worthy of the cherry box. I mean, I can.. but.. you know what I mean.. Lol..
I too lost my virginity at 15 but then I was with him for 5 years. I’ve only had 1 other before I got married and often wonder If I should have “experienced” life more when I was in my teens & 20′s. I say all that to say, we all have regrets we’re human!
Good luck with your search for Mr. Right.
good for you!
i lost my virginity fairly older than my friends, i was in college and had basically been raised that no “boy” deserved me… ever. lmao. so i guess it worked to some degree.
in my last relationship we, in an determined effort to renew and strengthen our spiritual relationship, withheld from sex for nearly 8 months. it was quite the battle, but it served a great purpose and i didn’t regret it at all.
we all have to do what we feel is right (oh gosh i spelled that “write” initially lol) for our bodies and minds. and i’ve seen celibacy help many a woman come to a greater sense of peace and better judgment not clouded by penis when it came to a man. lol
great post.
vitamin s is hilarious btw.
Hey Muze.. PLEASE tell me you know the “vitamin S” song!!!
just in case you don’t.. I shall enclose it for you..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptYJVbxhMfo&feature=related
consider it your Christmas present!!
Great Post! In terms of celibacy, I experienced it from the other side. The guy that I am currently seeing kinda pulled this card. My experience with sex is that after 3 dates or so a guy is always trying to get in your panties. I rarely give it up THAT soon, but n*ggaz be thristy and eventually wear you down. So yeah. The current guy took me on dates, spent quality time with me, we even had sleepovers and NOTHING! My mind was blown. My guy friends were telling me that he had to be sleeping with other women or that he was gay. How could a man not want to sleep with me after a few dates?! I even questioned his attraction for me. I was really trippin over the fact that he was respecting me more than I was respecting myself. There was the problem. smh. I communicated my “issue” with him. His response? He found it easier to get to know someone when sex wasn’t clouding the relationship. It was his experience that when he waited to have sex, the relationships were more meaningful. I still didn’t believe him until recently. I feel like my bond with him has been deeper because it isn’t about sex. Granted, we are past the not having sex part. We’re friends now on top of the other things and it is refreshing. I say all this to say that I like that you have chosen to wait and get to know someone more. I too have learned this lesson from someone 2 years younger than me. Good luck!
This sounds EXACTLY like a Sex and the City episode.. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me smile.. This situation speaks to the romantic in me.. It’s also wonderful that he saw enough in you to wait. He knows you’re worth it.. Yeah, this is a beautiful story.. I’m looking forward to a relationship (or the beginnings of one) that don’t have sex all up and through it..
Not much I can add to what’s already been said here. Great Post. I found it ironic that you made me wait for this post and for some reason I feel like it I appreciated it more once it was finally up…
…I’m sure there’s a message in there somewhere. LOL. Again great post. I look forward to your next entry.
Great post Nick!!!
I totally understand what you’re saying. I’m at the point where sex isn’t that serious. Yes…I like it and all, but I value having a companion & a stable relationship more. Like I said on my blog….insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Thumbs up to you for going a different route.
Thank you!!!
Yeah, I’m hoping for a different result..