I lost my virginity at 15. It seems like I was in a rush to know what everyone was talking about. I met my first love at 14 and offered it up on the most silver of platters. For whatever reason, he wouldn’t take it. So when I met a FAHN Special Ed look a-like with green eyes, I pretty much was sure we’d solidify this deal.
(Special Ed was a big deal when I was younger, thankyouverymuch)
We met at a bus stop. I still remember the intersection and to this day can’t recall why I was even there. But I DO remember when he sat down beside me. I remember his name, and I can pick him out of a lineup. His fineness transcended all common sense.
It was a weekend my mom was out of town. She didn’t trust me to be home alone with my brother (he was 7) so she arranged for us to stay at this woman’s house. I had ballet/tap that Saturday, told her I was going and called ______ up. I walked over to my house and we got to it.
I remember the phone calls that came for the next 3 weeks. Making sure the condom didn’t break and I wasn’t pregnant. I don’t remember much after that. I know that my sophomore year in high school just became a bit more interesting.
I might’ve hinted to the fact that I was “that chick” in high school. Not saying everything in sight could sniff at me, but if you were my boyfriend, it was pretty much guaranteed. Looking back on it now, I see the things I was hoping for through sex. That search for love can be oh so real.
When I left high school, I went on a 2-3 year sabbatical. However, lack of prospects will have everyone on a sabbatical so I don’t suppose I can claim any great accomplishment there.
I met my ex fiance’ when I was 22 and still “finding myself.” Being the woman I thought I was, he got a lot of sex from me. Personally, I thought that keeping him happy at home would keep his horse in one barn, but I was wrong.
*Charlie Murphy voice* “WRONG!”
I’ve been seriously involved with two men since my fiance and I broke up in ’05 (maybe ’06, I forget). A roll in the sheets seemed to be the natural progression of things, even though I can look back and say that I didn’t even love one out of the two of them. My mistake was giving them the cherry box whether or not they wanted to claim me. And as fortune (and the Devil) would have it, neither one did.
I’ve been single for a while now. Even when someone had my heart, (and my body) I was STILL technically “single.” If you can imagine it, coming out of that situation was like a literal detaching every fiber of my being. However, after looking through some things and doing some self evaluation, I made a resolution.
The Cherry Box is off the menu.
That’s right. I’m done with it. I’m not planning on giving it to anyone soon and I’m not giving it away without someone working for it. I realize that most of the time, it’s human nature not to appreciate that which was easy to attain. Not exactly saying I’m trying to change my karma by lockin her up. I’m just sayin, even TuPac said “I don’t want it if it’s that easy.”
and that was TUPAC!!
I don’t want to get emotionally attached because some rumpled sheets and a wet spot had me feeling connected. Lookin for my cheese omelette when someone secretly wishes I’d leave already. (And it’s 8:30 in the morning) I’m off that.
I could launch into the reasons why, but let’s just say, there’s a lot of stuff out there that I don’t want to get caught up in. I’m not just talking about pregnancy or the itches that you can’t scratch. I’m just tired. Not only that, but I’ve been sexin dudes since I was 15 and I’m no closer to being with someone (or someone wanting to be with me) so it’s time for some drastic measures.
Doing the same thing repeatedly has yielded results very close to some form of insanity. I’m not doing any magical “90 day probation plan” or “Jeopardy challenges for the draws” type of things. And if the next dude I meet doesn’t like it, then too bad, so sad.
I know several people will say cute things like “don’t punish one for the mistakes of the others.” I’m not. I’ve learned lessons and this is a decision based on those lessons. A decrease in supply increases the value. I’ve placed a price on my cherry box that not everyone I meet will want to pay, and I’m alright with that. It’ll weed out the riff raff. While “I ain’t got that kinda time,” I’m willing to put some time (and effort) into an outcome that will yield the results I want.
Trust me, when we’re not having any Waiting to Exhale moments or any “did your period come?” phone calls, he’ll thank me.
I know in this day and age, what I’m doing is considered crazy. I’m alright with that. I’ve been called crazy before. I’m known as crazy in my own home; that title is nothing new to me. We live in a society where we want everything right now, that includes sex. You know that feeling of invincibility that comes with youth? I’m in my 30′s, I’m off that. I hear the statistics and know that condoms or not, monogamy or not, while the risk/chances might be lessened with protection; I can’t sit here and admit that I always used it within the confines of a relationship.
I haven’t met anyone that has made me want to change my mind. And the dudes I know with women/girlfriends that keep sniffing around me shows me that these Sucka M.C.’s can’t be trusted either. It’s almost been a year, ain’t nothin new under the sun.
Have you ever done something drastic in the quest for what you wanted? For the sake of a relationship? For the sake of the relationship you hope you’ll find? You can call me crazy, I don’t accept it, but you’re entitled to an opinion. Just a heads up: This ain’t the time for you to try and get me to change my mind tho.
Peace and massive amounts of love, Nick