After my “mother as my wingman” experience went horribly awry I realized I needed to expand my circle. I needed a wingman that knew how to get this job done. A wingman that didn’t need me to outline the full job description and set up a PowerPoint presentation to know what’s expected.
As fate would have it, my next door neighbor is a 32 year old single woman. I met her the weekend I moved in. She thought I was a teenager and I kindly mentioned I’m older than she is. After we got to know each other, we made the “we should hang out” plans and after several false starts, actually got together. It’s cool because we’re both tomboys, so I feel at home.
Few weeks ago, we went to the movies and walked the mall afterwards. Being the observant one, I spotted a cutie in the Sony store. She walked in and after my attempts to ask her to “please be coy” we walked up to him. She started, “we were wondering how old you were.”
“I’m 23.”
- This baby’s face is everything I ever need..
>_- followed by a ^_- (yes, I can really make that face.)
I look at her, “Damn, you WERE right!” and we turn around and walk away.
That was the practice.
Last weekend, when we were trying to wait for the HORRAH that is Memorial Day weekend to pass, we went to this reggae spot on the bay. Ever the observant one, I spotted him first.
Tall-ish, casually dressed, nice sneakers, and glasses! I LOVE a man in glasses!! It does something to me. (But I digress)
He was talking to his friend holding a Heineken bottle.
sidenote: the pic above can also be used here to describe my face when I saw this guy.
We stroll to the other end of the patio and have a seat at a table. Waiting for the good reggae set to come on I look at homie and repeatedly say “I like his vibe.”
“I’m going to the bar, you want something?”
“Water.”
She walks away and I fidget with my phone. They walk away.
I send out a text. “They’re coming your way.”
The response: ”come over to the bar with them.”
Oh yeah. I keep distance and walk over to the bar. They’re watching the game. Well, I won’t interrupt that. My neighbor has asked REPEATEDLY if I wanted her to say something to them. My response has REPEATEDLY been a variation of “not yet,” and/or “we have time.”
We’re standing by the bar. I SWEAR we looked at the dance floor for a millisecond.
I hear “they’re leaving” somewhere far off in the distance.
I snap my head around, “what?”
“They. Are. Leaving!”
“What?! WHERE?!”
She points to the door and I see the back of his head go into the darkness.
“DAMMIT!”
We walk back to where we were sitting. My vibe is SHOT! She reminds me I have no one to blame but myself. And she’s right.
I have the most ultimate screwface on for a good portion of the night. The only thing that can save me is some old school Buju or Beenie and they’re playing soca. 
It is what it is.
*Time elapses*
I’m scanning the crowd, next thing you know, there’s a deep inhale and I grasp her arm.
“They’re back.”
“WHERE!?”
I point them out and before I can stop her she’s shrugged me off and walks over. I take out my phone and fake text someone.
I’m lying, I actually slumped into the chair praying God would make me a bird, “so I can fly far far away.” It’s possible I put my hand in front of my face a little bit.
She walked back with “Mr. Glasses” in tow. Introductions go around and he sits down. My neighbor walks over to his friend and keeps him company. We talk.
We’re both from Jamaica, same parish. He’s 32! Everything is flowing properly. We’re talking about football, music, we EVEN like the same Parisian DJ. Considering he’s never met another black person that even knew who he was, he keeps marvelling at how much we have in common. At one point, he thinks I’m a “Ms. Me Too.”
We swap numbers and close the party down. My neighbor is talking with his friend and having a great time. We leave the party.
We decide to meet up at Friday’s and part ways. I’m excited because this guy is handsome, mellow AND smart.
We get to Friday’s and he texts me to say they’re a little buzzed and are going home. We’ll catch up later. It was lovely meeting me, etc. etc.
“We WILL do this again!” he texts.
“Alright, cool. Be safe”
And that was the last I heard of him.
We WON’T discuss that my neighbor went on a date with his best friend yesterday. She’s telling me all the ways I should reach out and “maybe you intimidated him.” To which I casually say, “if I intimidated him, then I wouldn’t want him anyway.”
See, the problem with the approach is that I can’t tell if dude really liked me or not. Since I approached him, I am swimming in the lake of uncertain, not knowing if he was feeling me enough to make the follow up phone call. My neighbor thinks a man won’t talk to you unless he’s interested. “Why would he sit and talk to you for hours if he wasn’t interested?” I think that’s woman logic. I’ve heard time and time again that a man will entertain a conversation and be gone into the night. It reminds me of the “Friends” episode where Chandler would just randomly say “Ok, I’ll call ya,” even when he didn’t mean it. It’s just something you say.
I also have a theory that many men are cowards so he might have had an issue saying “nah, it’s okay. You’re not my type.”
So, while I’m not exactly “off” the approaching men” idea (especially if my neighbor will do all the work for me). There HAS to be an easier way to tell if dude liked me. My neighbor said he was practice and I can get with that. The great thing is no emotions are involved so I don’t feel any kind of way about him not calling, but my neighbor is hopeful as all hell. She’s convinced if I put “feelers” out, he’ll respond.
I’m gonna go with………… “no.”
I’m gonna listen to this band he told me about. Maybe I’ll give him my opinion and that’s it. But if my neighbor starts dating his friend, this is gonna be verry interesting.
I despise these daft dudes down in Miami, then again, daft dudes are everywhere.
Peace and Love, Nick
I think you are right on with the “putting feelers out”. You’ve done more than enough, it’s his turn to act. . . or not.
That’s what I was thinking too.. I shouldn’t have to remind anyone that they met me. I’m so dope, how could he forget!?
Asshole! Urrrgh.
As the best neighbor in the world and awesome wingman frequently mentioned in this post….here’s my logic. I have dated an array of men. My experience has been that some of the men I meet think I have someone else, stuck up, or just not interested in them. I know this because many have come back and told me their reasons for not pursuing me.. As dumb as their reasons may sound, it made me think….If I am giving off the unapproachable or taken vibe, maybe, and I do mean maybe I can put myself out just a wee bit. I have spent a lot of time wondering if they will come up to me and will they call back over the years. I guess from hanging out more than usual these days and being around more people, I have gotten a little confidence and a what can I lose type of attitude. I have no problem picking up the phone to say hi or shoot a quick text. I will however not chase a man down. I will give as long as I am getting the same in return. That’s all I meant by putting out feelers. Say hi, if nothing comes out of it….then on to the next one! So I am definitely enjoying being the wingman. It has allowed me to practice my skills for the greater good (Nick). Now even though I thought her and this dude were too cute together and I had fairy tale dreams of us two friends meeting two other friends and skipping off into the sunset, I completely understand her point of view. I have every intent of continuing to be the best wingman I can be. I think Nick is an awesome & gorgeous woman and we are going to find the right one! Well right two, one for her, one for me!
You’re right.. You ARE the best wingman ever!!! Even when I had to bind you up to keep you from chasing down the Sony guy…
DAMN, he was FINE!!
Hi Nick, *waves* I am a lurker, I was with you the entire story until I read your wingman’s response LOL. Although I don’t chase men either, there is NOTHING wrong with saying hello, if he doesn’t respond or you still feel like you’re getting the brush off then by all means keep it moving. Otherwise take a chance.
HEY Jemstar!!
My thing is, I took a chance by this whole exchange! My neighbor thinks he’s scared and/or trying to see if I’m interested. I don’t know any other way to have shown him I was interested.. I think after my last situation where I seemed like I was chasing the dude down, I got a little set in my ways about not doing it again. :-/
As the resident old guy, and duly appointed grumpy old man, it is my job, my legal responsibility (in at least 32 states), and my privilege to say “phooey” and “ba humbug” to this story. If a dude hasn’t contacted you, write him off. Not as an a$$hole just as someone that’s not interested. Doesn’t mean you aren’t interesting, YOU ARE, just not for him. And that’s alright. Don’t need him cluttering up space and blocking the view of the dudes who will find you interesting.
He hasn’t lost your #, if he did he could get it from his friend. He just hasn’t called. Your wingman’s friend WAS interested, and he has stayed in contact. That’s how it works. When a man is pursuing you, there is no guesswork involved, it’s obvious, and you don’t have to leave a trail of bread crumbs.
So Nick, hit the blinker, and hit that Left Turn
cause ain’t nothing down this street.
I’m glad you said it because I know I can get a little stubborn in my beliefs.. I believe that if a man wants to get in contact with you, he will. He will make the time if he’s busy, he will put forth the effort for something he has deemed “worth it.” In this case, I think he didn’t think I was worth it. Ironically enough, that fact doesn’t hurt my feelings or anything because I didn’t really have any feelings invested.
He DID think I was a prude tho. Which I find kind of crazy. But hey, if that’s his perception of me, that’s fine. He’ll never find out the truth.
Ole socially awkward mofo..
Wait! Why did he think you were a prude?? And how did you get this info?