When I joined Twitter in 2010, it was like a whole new world. #NoAladdin It was fast and current. It suited my “I get bored quickly” need for different subjects at the same time. Then something happened. Much like the blogs specifically tailored to a certain topic, Twitter started giving me old topics, under the guise of “new and exciting!”
At first, the conversations would cause me to give a side eye to my computer screen. “Something about this sounds maad familiar.” or “Didn’t we discuss this last week?” Not only did we discuss it last week, but it went on for hours and nobody reached a resolution that everyone could agree with. Now, it’s to the point where I don’t know why we’re talking about the things we are.
When it comes to recycling, let’s stick to plastic bottles and cardboard. I wouldn’t be upset if everyone created something new for our social environment.
Just because you haven’t spoken about it since last Monday doesn’t mean you need to bring it up again. Like you’re trying to make sure the latecomers and homeboys in the cheap seats can weigh in. It’s like the impetus for the conversation is that our opinion is heard, no matter how random/egregious it might seem. In the world of relationships and men vs. women, the beliefs are as varied as the amount of colors in the Crayola 96-count box. How on earth can we believe we’ll reach a consensus in a matter of hours on a social networking site?
I understand the general theme around the recycled topics will more often than not be about relationships. Looking for some reason the #ForeverAlone hashtag is alive and well. There is no hard and fast rule so I think we can stop looking. And in case you’re wondering “what is she talking about?” I give you this list.
The Twitter topics that can get the super gonorrhea:
1. How much should a first date cost?
What’s funny is, depending on the day, this can go all the way up to $200! Actually, the $200 is what I saw last week and I must admit, it blew my head WIDE OPEN! Now that I think about it, last week was the beginning of the month and some of them fools get real happy when those checks come in, so maybe they can afford it. You know what I find funny about this? There’s plenty single people that have something to say about how much a date should cost. A little birdie told me you’d be so happy if someone asked you out you’d take a Starbucks Latte and go home happy. Drawing smiley faces on your notebook and everything.
“No, YOU hang up” middle school swoon.
Let’s get you a date first.
And I KNOW I can’t be the only one seeing a $200 figure thinking, “all I need is $75 and I can eat for the month.
2. The cost of the engagement ring.
I particularly love this one because the people asking this are like the people that want to know what’s on the LSAT while still in 3rd grade. It’s like they’re doing all this research for something that’s years away. You know how I know they’re not ready? Because they will use the #ImSingle hashtag and still have input on how much an engagement ring costs. Those that are actually ready don’t take it to Twitter to get a ballpark figure. Not only that, but if you’re with a woman that wants a formulaic method to determine how much your love for her is worth, then I dare say you would’ve found that out about her BEFORE you considered proposing.
How bout we find you a woman that can tolerate your presence first?
I’ve never known a woman to turn down a proposal because the ring was .5 carats less than she wanted.
“You’ll take this ruby and you’ll LIKE IT!”
3. How much the wedding should cost?
Similar to #2, I find it crazy to need to talk about the cost of a wedding when 1., there is no general consensus and 2. one man’s $10,000 is another man’s $100K. People will never agree and I don’t expect them to.
4. Do men or women cheat more?
*sigh* All I want to do is sigh. This pops up OFTEN. Doesn’t need to necessarily be a major conversation, it happens in tiny subsets too. There’s a special group of men that cross my timeline that I have dubbed the “who hurt you crew” Like the Rude Boys once sang, their hurt is “written all over your face… you don’t have to say a word.” Likewise, there are some jaded women out there, getting hurt is what happens. I have yet to come across someone that claims their sex cheats more. There are studies that show women cheat more, then studies showing that men do. All I know is, if you’ve been hurt by the opposite sex, then your opinion is skewed. I know nary a man that’s been cheated on that will say “yeah, she’s a hoe but men still cheat more.” It doesn’t happen. And don’t run out and do it now just to be contrary and prove a point.
All I know is, there are studies saying you shouldn’t eat pork, and others saying that eggs are bad. But that doesn’t keep me from ordering a cobb salad.
(Cobb salads BANG!)
4a. If men/women cheat more, then who’s better at it?
Shut the hell up.
4b. Who is the real bad guy?
Answer: whoever the person that really hurt you.
5. How much money should we make in a year?
An offshoot of this topic is the ”how much can you get by on?” argument. All I know is someone yelled “Get yo hands out my POCKET!” right before Malcolm X was shot. Bad things happen when people focus on other people’s wallets. Why should this matter?
And even if it DID matter, why should it matter TO YOU!? To give credence to a subject that a group of people will never agree on is an exercise in futility. Then again, a lot of you are bored at work, so maybe ya’ll have this kinda time.
If I’m trying to help you see the errors in a line of thinking, I’ll do my part, but I know when to back out. I know when a mind is closed and will wave my white flag.
Let’s do better people. “Be the change you want to see,” and all that other jazz.
In the meantime, what are some Twitter topics that you wish would hit the landfill??
and get eaten? by vultures?
Peace and Love, Nick